Saturday, 29 April 2006

  • Erm, sorry for the unreplied messages and comments. I am not going to give any excuse or anything since I'm sure most of you would've memorized all of my excuses by now. Sheesh.

    I just want to share this with all of you. One of my friend, who isn't a very close friend of mine, already got married!!! You know, really got married, no kidding. The girl and the guy are both medical students here, both from Kedah or Penang I am not sure but definitely from somewhere from the North of Malaysia. And they are both 20. That's quite an early age to get married, don't you think so? Maybe some of you might wonder what's all the excitement all about but for me, it's like...WOW! Make it a DOUBLE WOW!!

    Seriously, isn't marriage supposed to be a serious thing where people dwell on it for months, even years before settling into it? These 2 friends of mine surely didn't dwell on it for long, not even months, because suddenly they are married and put us the whole batch into shock. It's not like everyone knows anyway, but those who got to know were very shocked. Our batch broke the record, haha. There were seniors who got married in Year 2, 3, 4, 5 but none during their First Year before this. That's the power of the kids born in 1986. Hehe. Always breaking the records, always bringing changes and making a difference. Wherever I go, it seems that MY batch would make a difference. Sometimes they are good changes, sometimes bad but they are definitely very remarkable differences that leave everyone's mouth hanging open. I don't know if the other fellow 1986's have the same experience, but I do.

    Back to the issue of getting married, I think one of the reasons why they took that path is because of the tremendous pressure they got from many people AND the environment. Let me tell you, here, once you start coupling, you'll be under everyone's surveillance. Every single thing you do will be monitored and people will start talking. Flyers about disadvantages of coupling, how it gets us closer to 'zina' and all will be all over the campus, I even got a BOOKLET about the whole coupling thing before this. Next, those couples would sometimes be called by seniors and given advice about...I don't know. Many things. If you meet too often, people will start looking at you differently. It is a totally different environment from UM or any other universities I am sure. In UM, people don't give a damn about what you do as long as you don't mess with their businesses, but not here.

    Like these 2 friends of mine. They kept quiet about their marriage before this. None of us knows about it except for a few trusted friends of theirs and the people that help them seek advice from ustazs and ustazahs. One day, a senior saw them on a motorcycle together. Apalagi. Mengamuklah senior tu.  The guy was called, brainwashed and everything. However, this senior was the one who was embarassed in the end when he was told by the guy that he actually has gotten married with the girl during the holidays, which equals to the idea that he can do whatever he wants wth her without anyone's interference. Haha. Poor senior. A good intention however I must admit. I don't blame the senior. I mean, no one would ever expect the First Years to get married.  And it's the girl and the guy's fault also for not announcing their marriage. If they do, I am sure other people will not misunderstand.

    Another friend of mine already went to 'Pejabat Kadi' to seek advice a few weeks ago. Woohoo. Everyone is either getting married or planning to do so. Me? I have no idea when am I going to get married. Well, I don't even have a candidate yet!!

     

     

     

     

Comments (15)

  • Let us just say, you have a candidate, will you marry and settle down now?

    I will give my comments on your entry, after reading your response to the question above. ;)

  • No, I will not. Marriage isn't just about two people being togehter for the rest of their lives. It is about creating a whole new life ahead of you, a new family to be taken care of. The duty is very heavy and I think I need more time to equip myself with the right attitude, the right amount of strength and patience and also be more matured than I am now before I settle down and agree to the lucky guy who asks for my hand. Another thing is that I am a student right now. My priorities are to study, graduate and become a doctor. Marriage definitely is not part of the plan for the moment. I still want to have fun with my friends you know? If I were to get married, I'd be the 'property' of my husband and I'd need permission for every single thing I do. I am not ready for that!! I still want to be free!!

    If I have a candidate now, I will NOT get married. FULL STOP. But well, God knows best. :p

    Do you think it is possible for couples not to see each other so often, maybe not at all especially those living near each other?? Because I suddenly like the idea right now. And IF I have a candidate now, I think that's what I am going to do. I don't know.

  •  "Is it possible for couples not to see each other so often, maybe not at all especially those living near each other?? "

    My answer to the above question is: No. NO and NO !!  Unless the couple is like that of a cat and a dog.....which I'm sure will not be a couple in the first place.

    To my mind, if you want to be a couple, you have to be prepared to marry at any time at all, should there be pressure of sorts.  Examples of those kind of pressures:

    1.  Family from either the girl or the boy's side insist that they marry.

    2.  The gossips from the community (wherever you are) gets out of control and you cannot withstand, and to put a stop to all those gossips, you end up marrying, even if you are not too prepared to settle down, just yet.

    3.  You have to spend time, energy and money to maintain the 'uncertain relationship' going.  Perhaps, after some time, you get tired and think it's better to just marry.

    4.  Berlaku keterlanjuran (nauu zubillah).  Apa lagi kena kawin lah!!!

    Therefore, you may end up marrying NOT because you want to marry, but just because you want to avoid the abovementioned problems or circumstances.

    So, Hazel, it makes sense what you have said in the first paragraph of your comment.  Marrying while they are still studying, from my observation creates more problems rather than solving them.  (With very very few exceptions).

    So think hard before you even start to become a couple.   

  • I always believe that to everything there is a season.  When you are still in the spring, why do you want to see the snow?  Go through summer, enjoy basking in the sun, see the leaves turning yellow, gold and brown and slowly falling down in autumn, before you get to enjoy winter wonderland. 

    Dalam makna nya kan....... 

    So my advise to the young bloggers, think not twice or thrice but hundred times over before you start to couple.

  • And one more thing.......  I was stunned to learn that first year medic students got married.  Why do they want to marry so soon?  They have not even discharged their responsibilities towards themselves, what more to their parents and family.  Now they have additional responsibility towards this stranger whom they call boyfriend or girlfriend, initially, and after just a few months, a spouse!!!

    I have come across a number of young married couples (married during the first or second year of studies) facing problems
  • Salaam..

    Wow, that's one shocker, hehe :) Mesti malu senior yang cuba nak brainwash tu.. hehe.. The issue of "nikah khitbah" ("nikah gantung".. yang tak berapa sedap didengar) is discussed in this month's edition of Majalah I... Of course, getting married at an early age isn't all "easy and breezy" but why do we choose to pursue relationships yang tak halal and gives excuses when it comes to making a move to make it halal? Bak kata an ustaz I've heard once: "kahwin itu sebenarnya penyelesai masalah, bukan penyebab masalah". For more info on "nikah khitbah", do read Majalah I, this month's edition.

    Speaking of marriage at an early age, I have a friend, whose sister got married at 19! She's a medical student now, and one of the top scorers at that! It really doesn't matter how old you are or whatever else, but what matters is how you carry yourself. Ada yang dah tua, tapi tak matang, kahwin pun tak bahagia jugak.

    I guess this issue just can't be missed when it comes to university students... I attended a professional workshop (intended for medical, dentistry and pharmacy students), and this topic did not escape the discussion ;)

  • Thank you for the advice, dear senior bloggers.. :p

    I agree that marriage is better than the non-halal relationship. However, I also can't seem to shake off the feelings that getting married at an early age is a nuisance. Lebih kurang macam tak ada masalah cari masalah-lah.

    And yes, it doesn't matter how old you are when you get married as long as you know how to divide your time and carry yourself. But still, the percentage of students who can be like the sister of ayumi's friend is not that hight right?
  • *high
  • Do what you will, people will always talk. You're single, people will talk, what more if you're a couple. It all boils down to individual preferences and capability. Just pray that you make the right choices.
  • Right on, hiyoshi! :)
  • I beg to disagree here, Hiyoshi. If you're only 20, male (or even female, doesnt matter, really), and still studying, why would anyone talk about you if you're still single?

    On the other hand, if you are already a couple (under those given circumstances) and people talk, - Well, they have EVERY reason to talk, especially IF the couple is misbehaving and going off-limits.

    So, dont just pray that you've made the right choices. You have no choice, but to do what is right. Then pray, so that you would remain and ALWAYS be guided in the straight path.
  • wow...pycno....thanks for the wonderful sageness ;)
  • I'm a bit outdated here, but can I just give my 2 cents, hehe... mostly i agree with Ayumi- and whilst it does sound a bit the 'wow' to get married so early, I still think it's a whole lot better than being trapped in the middle of possible fitnah n zina, as what had happened to our youth today. Just look at any matriculation college- you'll simply shake your head at the amazing sight of couples at every corner of your existence, and chances are, most of them are NOT behaving according to Islamic teachings. As stated in the Quran, do not approach zina n this is a very clear command from the Lord- not only to not commit zina but also to avoid anything that will lead to the sin. And the way teenagers date today, I don't know... but who am i to judge. Each person knows their own capabilities and if that is the best solution to their situations, then so be it. Like Pycnogenol said, we have to do what is right- we have ad-deen, the perfect religion with complete set of rules to guide us on. For myself, I would always take the safest way: stay out of any of it (there's a good chance I'll become an old maid at this rate. LOL). BTW, nice to hear from you =)
  • Jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan. We do what it takes, we strive, we pray that we'll always do the right thing. But in the end, qada' and qadr itu di tangan Allah.

    ps: kawen jangan lupe jemput! Hehhe. ;P
  • Hazel. Apa khabar? Are you not going to update your blog?

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